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New York City is Mean. Are You Prepared?

by | Sep 22, 2014

Are you Moving to NYC? Well buckle down and get out your monocle because you have some reading to do. Renting in Manhattan is a journey all in itself. Read our guide to renting in NYC so you are prepared for the unexpected.

So you’re thinking of trading in your small town farm life for the big bad world that is New York City? Kiss the pickled pigs feet goodbye and book your one-way bus ticket, because NYC is hungry and you look like a tasty treat. Before you start packing last winter’s hoodies and your fuchsia Crocs into that faded circa 1999 Jansport full of Lisa Frank journals, we need to prepare you for Lady Liberty’s wrath.

You’re going to need to sell your prized steed or your soul, you choose. New York is expensive and coming here with $400 and a dream will get you an H&M clearance sweater, a 12 pack of 1-ply toilet paper, a night out in a Hell’s Kitchen dive bar (drinking bottom shelf East River water) and 50 slices of dollar pizza.

Here is what you need to budget for while you are still living rent free with the people you are running away from:

To get your own apartment in Manhattan

First month’s rent, last month’s rent, security deposit (equal to one month’s rent), and broker’s fee (up to 15% of the annual rent). The best case scenario, you will be spending on move in expenses, based on $1900 per person monthly rent, is around $6000 each. (Based on 1 month rent, 1 month security, 1 month broker fee)

Travel 

You won’t be able to afford cabs for a few years.  Come to terms with long walks and disgusting subway cars. Someone is going to sneeze on you at some point and it might make you sick. Don’t worry, 7 times out of 10, you won’t catch anything serious. A Metro card is $110 a month. I have spent $1200 in one month on cabs. Don’t be THAT girl. Only Beyonce gets to be THAT girl.

Food

College was fun. We learned SO much, like how to eat Ramen every day. Welcome to the NYC school of life. Key Foods has every flavor of Ramen. You’re welcome. Budget $400 a month for food (but only if you’re grocery shopping). If you insist on eating out for every meal, that price could €“and probably will- triple.

Clothes

H&M, Forever 21, and TJ MAXX are your new boutiques. Please note, once you put any items from these places in the dryer, they will only fit your labra-doodle. (which you are going to have to sell on craigslist so you can eat). Eat or be eaten.

Cable

HA! Steal someone’s Netflix password. It’s a dirty, dirty world and you are Xtina: Stripped.

NYC Real Esate

There are so many reasons to move to the Big A**hole- the Cronut, the Naked Cowboy in Times Square, and an enormous variety of mustaches, to name a few. For all of the aforementioned reasons and many more, I can say that moving here has been the hardest, scariest, and most beautifully fulfilling thing I have ever done (besides not dying).


Here is what to emotionally expect when moving to NYC:

1. Shock and Denial

Your plane just landed. You flew into LaGuardia and you see it. You see the bright lights and cityscape that you have been Googling for 7 months. “Party In The USA” is playing. Your mind wanders to a vision of Hannah Montana twerking. You’re stomach immediately unsettles. Thoughts of Miley and how unprepared she was for adult life leads to resentment for Sex and the City for never teaching you how to hail a cab (even though it really did). You don’t know that the “s” train is called “the shuttle” and that it is underground, and no one has told you about dollar pizza. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know you don’t know it. Now you know. This is a dream. This has to be dream. WHY IS IT SNOWING IN OCTOBER?!

NYC Real Estate

2. Pain and Guilt

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. You just waited an hour at baggage claim just to be told that your luggage is in Tulsa. Everything good in your life was in that bag gel pens, tweezers, toe socks, and the Chelsea Handler trilogy. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your gel pens. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. You never even flew through Tulsa.

NYC Real Estate

3. Anger and Bargaining

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame on someone else. You get into the cab that you waited 37 minutes for with just a carry-on and a dream. You start to take out on the driver what you want to take out on Donald Trump. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. You may one day be in his cab again.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never watch “A Walk to Remember’ again if you just GET ME MY LISA FRANKS.”)

NYC Real Estate

4. Depression, Reflection, Lonliness

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. You have been in the city for four months. Some things have fallen into place, but mostly, you are sad, fat, and lonely. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. You have to hate NYC before you can love it.  You only leave NYC to go to rehab.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your decision to move here, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your farm animals, and focus on memories of gardening and drinking lemonade while reading “To Kill a Mockingbird.”  You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

NYC Real Estate

5. The Upward Turn

As you start to adjust to life without your car or self-worth, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. You have gone to Ikea and bought a bookshelf and then the Container Store for some sensible storage. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly. You might just stay for a while.

NYC Real Estate

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking real wall décor and a few cats. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself. You will yoga. You will yoga hard.

NYC Real Estate

7. Acceptance and Hope

During this stage, the last of the seven stages in this NYC life model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before being constantly broke. But you will find a way forward. You will get a second job. You will get rid of two of the three cats.

NYC Real Estate

Somewhere between stages 3 and 4 you are going to need to secure an apartment. Be strong and soldier on, sugar, because this process is not for the weak of heart or the hungry. Grab a jar of peanut butter-filled pretzel bites and slap on your eco-friendly/organic/not-tested-on-animals war paint because we have work to do.

There is such a low vacancy rate in NYC right now that the building managers are being super picky. They expect a lot of proof of substantial income. You need to prove 40 times the monthly rent annually if you are applying without a guarantor, or your guarantor will need to prove 80 times the monthly rent annually.

$1900 a month needs to prove $76000 based on personal income

$1900 a month needs to prove $152000 based on guarantor income


 Here is the paperwork you will need:

  1. Copies of photo IDs for tenants and guarantors
  2. The first two pages of last year’s tax return for tenants and guarantors (Sometimes 2 years. If you filed an extension, a copy of the extension and the previous year of taxes will be required)
  3. A letter from your employer on company letterhead stating position, start date and salary for tenants and guarantors (This letter should be dated within the last 30 days. Outdated offer letters will not do the trick for most landlords)
  4. Last two month’s bank statements for tenants and guarantors
  5. Last two pay stubs for tenants and guarantors (if applicable for guarantors)

 If you cannot prove income or if you have any questions about other options, shoot me an email at sweet@suitey.com

So you’re here. You made it. Don’t be TOO quick to celebrate. I have just a few more tips for you on how to not be made fun of by your new peers and neighbors. Part of becoming a New Yorker is learning the land. And believe me, this land has rules.


 How to fit in and not be weird:

  1. Always have a book with you. Read the first two chapters, pages 160 to 190, and the last chapter. You need to be prepared for questions from “Novel Snobs”.
  2. Be 26, even if you’re not.  Nobody likes you when you’re 23
  3. Don’t karaoke too often, it’s weird. When you do, don’t sing from €˜Grease’.
  4. Have your metro card ready every time, no exceptions!
  5. Look annoyed as you walk through Times Square
  6. Know the location for a Soul Cycle or Yoga for The People. You don’t have to go, just know where they are.
  7. Secretly love Starbucks because nobody can make a Frap like THAT. Outwardly hate them because they are a corporate monster. Also, get familiar with Kahve coffee on 51st and Ninth. It’s cute, the staff is great and the drinks are delicious. You will need a staple not-Starbucks coffee joint. This is it.  You’re welcome.
  8. Don’t ever apologize to strangers for anything. It shows weakness. Don’t be weak, Shelby.
  9. When you meet a group of people who can tolerate your hometown war stories, stick with them. Most people in NYC will only talk to you if you can do something for them.

Ready to make a move?
Let’s get started.

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